Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
