It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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