i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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