i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
