apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
