physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
