i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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