sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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