I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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