So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
