what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
