His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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