just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
