the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
