the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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