i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
