she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
