Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
