What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
