It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
