So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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