Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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