The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Randomize
