he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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