Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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