I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
