it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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