New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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