So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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