I wish I could punch you in the face.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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