I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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