There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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