Me. At least after what I've been through.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
