i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
