as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
