Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
