Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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