Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
