If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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