I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
