i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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