He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
