Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
