In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
