I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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