No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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