It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need a burrito and a hug.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
