is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
