I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
