That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
