If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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