Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
