remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
