Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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