"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
