sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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