How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
