the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
